Tag Archives: dogs

Sam Gator Rolls

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SamSam just got his nails clipped at the vet. The technician said something about him doing gator rolls and screaming when she tried to clip his front paws. Sam thinks she must be exaggerating. He’s never seen an alligator much less rolled like one, well not until today.

Sam says it was a natural defense mechanism that kicked in when he saw the nail clippers in her hand headed towards his front paws. He just lost it.

So Sam’s human got him some pills to help him relax before the next nail clipping session. The pills will help him forget how much he hates getting his nails clipped. The pills will also help him forget everything else…which his human thinks will be entertaining.

Sam thinks humans tend to over react.

 

 

 

The Half A Tennis Ball Can Kill You

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Sam has always lived his life on the edge. Recently, he took this to a new level when he ate half a tennis ball. Whether it was from real hunger or boredom, it was a dangerous choice. After several hours, his human owner knew he was in trouble and rushed him to the vet.

Long story short…it all came out in the end.

Sam has been recuperating nicely. He’s getting lots of teary hugs from his humans who thought they’d lost him for good. Sam is enjoying his celebrity.

He plays up his near death experience with deep sighs and distance contemplative stares into space. He’s thinking of writing his memoirs.

Basically, he’s “eating up” the attention. That’s okay with his humans, as long as he isn’t eating up tennis balls.

 

 

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Life On A Leash

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Sam’s best friend and confidant, Mason, is moving.Mason His human owners bought a condo and in just a few days they’ll leave their little apartment here at the farm and head to the city.

Because Sam’s been around the block a few times, he knows what that means for poor old Mason- life on a leash. Mason and Sam are free range dogs. They run and play in the large backyard full of kids, toys and sticks to chew on.

Life’s been free and easy for these two best dog friends. But life as Mason knows it, is about to change. No more wild and free, no more bark till you drop.  Mason and SAm playing

So, in an effort to help Mason adjust, Sam has some suggestions for him…..

Strive for cuteness when you go for a walk

Humans like cuteness,especially in dogs. Perk up your ears and trot happily-humans will stop to pet you and tell your owner how absolutely darling you are. This could come in handy later, especially if you’ve been bad-like accidentally barking at a cat or eating some flowers. Hopefully, the humans at the condo will remember how cute you were and will overlook your offense.

Heel, heel…just heel

Sam says if Mason remembers nothing else, remember what the word “heel” means. Humans like dogs that heel. Sam thinks that humans are control freaks. Human owners tend to say “heel” a lot, probably because they need to know they’re in charge. But Sam suggests that Mason just heel and let the humans get their control fix, it will make his life easier.

Stuff the barking

Humans don’t like barking dogs…they dislike dogs that bark so much they have coined a phrase about their feet-”oh, my barking dogs hurt, Elma.”(say this with a strong southern accent for effect) It’s quite humiliating to be compared to feet so Sam says stuff the barking. Instead choose a short little yap when someone knocks on the front door. Your human owners will be so proud of your guard dog skills. Humans really are easy to please.

Poop like you mean it

Pooping is treated in a very civilized manner in the city. City humans like to pretend that dogs don’t poop-they hide it with a quick clean up strategy. Tidy little green bags are made available on many street corners for your human owners to pick up your poop then throw it away. So, if you need to poop Sam says don’t worry, your human will get rid of it in a flash.

In his generosity, Sam decided to give Mason a going away gift- an 8 by 10 glossy print of himself.  Sam knows that his picture will cheer up poor old Mason when life on a leash gets too rough.

Sam heard politics is a dog eat dog...

Sam Scares His Human

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Sam Scares His Human

Sam thinks the human tradition of leaving food gifts at the front door is weird, but he’s not complaining.  He’d never tasted honey whole wheat bread until he found a sweet offering in front of the renter’s front door and gobbled down the entire loaf.

Sam was sucking up the last few crumbs of the loaf when his human found him and panicked. Sam knows that humans scare easily. And he felt bad about scaring his human, but not too bad. The honey whole wheat bread was delicious-nothing like his dog food.

Sam belched and laid down on the grass. The lump of bread in his belly was growing, he couldn’t get up off the ground. This made his human really scared.

Now Sam has observed that when  humans get scared they grab their cell phone. He isn’t sure why, but it seems to make them feel better.  It worked this time, because after looking at the cell phone for a few minutes, his human smiled and threw the ball for him…Sam got up off the ground for that.

Sam thinks humans should stop leaving food at the front door, but not anytime soon. He wants to try honey whole wheat bread again.

Sam, you sweet fella…..

The Puppy Versus The Candidates

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Sam heard politics is a dog eat dog...There’s a stray puppy running around our neighborhood. Some friends texted us to be on the lookout for the pup. Sam wants to rescue that lost puppy…..he’s qualified, you know, since he was a rescue dog himself. If any dog can do it, he can.

So Sam decided to get some ideas from the presidential candidates on how to rescue that puppy.

At first, he thought about building a wall, but decided that wouldn’t work….

He wondered about giving all dogs free obedience classes…but, that didn’t seem like a good way to find the puppy, plus who would pay for all those classes?

Sam knew he’d never sent emails from a private server, so it wasn’t his fault that the puppy ran away and no one could prove it!

He would like to balance the budget­ although he isn’t sure what that means or how to do it.

Maybe he could patrol cat neighborhoods looking for….well, he wasn’t sure what he would look for besides that lost puppy.

Sam hopes someone rescues the puppy soon, because none of the candidates’ ideas seem to be working.

He also hopes the humans can figure out what to do about the presidential election soon because Sam’s heard politics can be a dog eat dog world….and that makes him very nervous.

Sam and Routine Gr-r-r

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Sam can tell time, well…..sort of.

Every afternoon at four o’clock Sam gets hungry. His regular dinnertime is five-his humans keep him on a strict eating schedule-but Sam’s tummy clock tells him he needs to eat.

Sam finds his eating routine irritating and he uses his keenest canine skills to convince his humans he should eat early.

At first, he tries moaning sadly, but this only makes his humans roll their eyes. Then he tries the ” happy dog face” which his humans tend to enjoy, but they still won’t feed him before five.

Growling at the humans really doesn’t work; it just gets him in trouble and sent to bed.

Sam has resorted to pouting, but that’s boring plus no one notices.

Sam poutsPoor Sam thinks routines are mean. If he ever meets a routine, he’ll be sure to bite it.

He ‘s heard that routines can be broken; he’d like to find a way to break his eating routine, but he doesn’t know where his humans keep the darn thing.