Tag Archives: dogs

Life On A Leash

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Sam’s best friend and confidant, Mason, is moving.Mason His human owners bought a condo and in just a few days they’ll leave their little apartment here at the farm and head to the city.

Because Sam’s been around the block a few times, he knows what that means for poor old Mason- life on a leash. Mason and Sam are free range dogs. They run and play in the large backyard full of kids, toys and sticks to chew on.

Life’s been free and easy for these two best dog friends. But life as Mason knows it, is about to change. No more wild and free, no more bark till you drop.  Mason and SAm playing

So, in an effort to help Mason adjust, Sam has some suggestions for him…..

Strive for cuteness when you go for a walk

Humans like cuteness,especially in dogs. Perk up your ears and trot happily-humans will stop to pet you and tell your owner how absolutely darling you are. This could come in handy later, especially if you’ve been bad-like accidentally barking at a cat or eating some flowers. Hopefully, the humans at the condo will remember how cute you were and will overlook your offense.

Heel, heel…just heel

Sam says if Mason remembers nothing else, remember what the word “heel” means. Humans like dogs that heel. Sam thinks that humans are control freaks. Human owners tend to say “heel” a lot, probably because they need to know they’re in charge. But Sam suggests that Mason just heel and let the humans get their control fix, it will make his life easier.

Stuff the barking

Humans don’t like barking dogs…they dislike dogs that bark so much they have coined a phrase about their feet-”oh, my barking dogs hurt, Elma.”(say this with a strong southern accent for effect) It’s quite humiliating to be compared to feet so Sam says stuff the barking. Instead choose a short little yap when someone knocks on the front door. Your human owners will be so proud of your guard dog skills. Humans really are easy to please.

Poop like you mean it

Pooping is treated in a very civilized manner in the city. City humans like to pretend that dogs don’t poop-they hide it with a quick clean up strategy. Tidy little green bags are made available on many street corners for your human owners to pick up your poop then throw it away. So, if you need to poop Sam says don’t worry, your human will get rid of it in a flash.

In his generosity, Sam decided to give Mason a going away gift- an 8 by 10 glossy print of himself.  Sam knows that his picture will cheer up poor old Mason when life on a leash gets too rough.

Sam heard politics is a dog eat dog...

Sam Scares His Human

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Sam Scares His Human

Sam thinks the human tradition of leaving food gifts at the front door is weird, but he’s not complaining.  He’d never tasted honey whole wheat bread until he found a sweet offering in front of the renter’s front door and gobbled down the entire loaf.

Sam was sucking up the last few crumbs of the loaf when his human found him and panicked. Sam knows that humans scare easily. And he felt bad about scaring his human, but not too bad. The honey whole wheat bread was delicious-nothing like his dog food.

Sam belched and laid down on the grass. The lump of bread in his belly was growing, he couldn’t get up off the ground. This made his human really scared.

Now Sam has observed that when  humans get scared they grab their cell phone. He isn’t sure why, but it seems to make them feel better.  It worked this time, because after looking at the cell phone for a few minutes, his human smiled and threw the ball for him…Sam got up off the ground for that.

Sam thinks humans should stop leaving food at the front door, but not anytime soon. He wants to try honey whole wheat bread again.

Sam, you sweet fella…..

The Puppy Versus The Candidates

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Sam heard politics is a dog eat dog...There’s a stray puppy running around our neighborhood. Some friends texted us to be on the lookout for the pup. Sam wants to rescue that lost puppy…..he’s qualified, you know, since he was a rescue dog himself. If any dog can do it, he can.

So Sam decided to get some ideas from the presidential candidates on how to rescue that puppy.

At first, he thought about building a wall, but decided that wouldn’t work….

He wondered about giving all dogs free obedience classes…but, that didn’t seem like a good way to find the puppy, plus who would pay for all those classes?

Sam knew he’d never sent emails from a private server, so it wasn’t his fault that the puppy ran away and no one could prove it!

He would like to balance the budget­ although he isn’t sure what that means or how to do it.

Maybe he could patrol cat neighborhoods looking for….well, he wasn’t sure what he would look for besides that lost puppy.

Sam hopes someone rescues the puppy soon, because none of the candidates’ ideas seem to be working.

He also hopes the humans can figure out what to do about the presidential election soon because Sam’s heard politics can be a dog eat dog world….and that makes him very nervous.

Sam and Routine Gr-r-r

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Sam can tell time, well…..sort of.

Every afternoon at four o’clock Sam gets hungry. His regular dinnertime is five-his humans keep him on a strict eating schedule-but Sam’s tummy clock tells him he needs to eat.

Sam finds his eating routine irritating and he uses his keenest canine skills to convince his humans he should eat early.

At first, he tries moaning sadly, but this only makes his humans roll their eyes. Then he tries the ” happy dog face” which his humans tend to enjoy, but they still won’t feed him before five.

Growling at the humans really doesn’t work; it just gets him in trouble and sent to bed.

Sam has resorted to pouting, but that’s boring plus no one notices.

Sam poutsPoor Sam thinks routines are mean. If he ever meets a routine, he’ll be sure to bite it.

He ‘s heard that routines can be broken; he’d like to find a way to break his eating routine, but he doesn’t know where his humans keep the darn thing.

Sam Eats the Shepherd

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Sheepish Sam“And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.” (Luke 2:8 )

As many of you know, we had a bit of a tragedy here at our house last week. I’m using the term “tragedy” very loosely of course; it was actually more of a sad episode of death by dog.

We’ve set up our Fisher Price Nativity set during  Christmas season for the past 20 years.   It’s a child friendly plastic set which our six kids played with every Christmas.  The FP nativity always sat in the middle of the living room on our coffee table where it was happily handled and rearranged over and over.

Vintage Christmas Nativity

Many conversations revolved around the nativity and questions often stumped me. For instances:  Why do angels have wings, why does only one wise man have brown skin (thank you Fisher Price for getting this right), why does Mary have her eyes closed and so on… I didn’t always know these answers, but it never seemed to matter too much. We all love the Nativity set.

The nativity survived army men attacks, nerf gun wars, play dough and sticky fingers. Babies chewed on it…we have teeth marks to prove it and one of the members disappeared for a short time, but the FP nativity set  survived it all.   That was until Sam came along…

Sam was extremely nosy about all the Christmas decorations. He sniffed everything.  We finally shooed him off to his kennel so we could finish decorating.  Unfortunately, none of us saw Sam swipe the shepherd as he trotted past the coffee table with the nativity set.

Fifteen minutes later, I found the half eaten shepherd in Sam’s cage with Sam looking rather uh,  sheepish…..pardon the pun.

Shepherd meets his demiseIt’s curious to me why Sam picked out the shepherd. Was it a random act or a purposeful choice?

My guess is that Sam distrusted any nativity guy with a stick in his hand. If I was a dog I think I’d eat that fat little angel with the goofy looking wings, it’s just so unbiblical.

Whatever the reason our  nativity set will never be the same without the shepherd.   I can’t replace the shepherd because the set is obsolete according to the internet….so we’ll just have to live with the fact that Sam ate the shepherd.

Sam and Self Control

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A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. (Proverbs 25:28 ESV)

Sam really loves to climb. One of his favorite  places to climb is on a lounge chair to watch the traffic.  Sometimes he just lays in the lounge chair and barks…he’s very laid back about his barking. 

Sam also likes to climb in the house. I found him checking out the kitchen counter by standing on the little step stool.  We’re wondering if he’s part goat…because of climbing and all.

He certainly is the “scapegoat” around our house. He has the sort of the proverbial, “dog ate my homework” kind of role.   If something is missing, we wonder aloud if Sam got it or Sam ate it.  Poor Sam… it really is hard being the youngest in the family.

But he does deserve some of the blame because he really lacks self control when it comes to food.  He’s dangerously eager to eat just about anything.  This morning, I found some cilantro stems in his bed. Hmm, perhaps he had a midnight snack?    I’ve caught him munching on band aids, twist ties, plastic papers and rubber bands.   We’re watching him closely to make sure he doesn’t eat the homework or any other inedible item around the house.

Because well, a dog isn’t exactly like a man (or woman) who lacks self control( control over his or her heart and spirit)  but a dog without self control could certainly eat the homework… maybe even break down a wall.

Samuel or Sammy?

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Sam is 4 months old now and going to school…not literally, but we’re teaching him lots of new things every day.  He responds to commands such as sit, stay and lie down now, but he’s still a little shaky on come.  He can sit for a full minute when I set down his food dish.  Saliva drools down his mouth while he waits…but he does wait until I tell him to eat.

Sam’s two biggest temptations in life are people and food. He especially forgets everything he’s learned when people are present.  So, we create mock training situations for Sam to learn his commands with friends and family standing around.  If you come over to our house, be prepared to participate in Sam’s latest lessons…it really does take a village to raise a puppy.

At a recommendation of a friend, we bought Sam a special collar to help him not pull so much when he’s walked.  Amazingly, the collar has unique power over him.  With the collar around his neck he becomes Samuel- a quiet, obedient and submissive dog.  If Samuel could talk, he’s say, “Oh, master, your wish is my command.” But when that collar comes off, he’s Sammy who might retort, “Heck no, I’m not listening to you!”

When I tell the kids stories about his latest lessons, they always ask, “Was that Samuel or Sammy?”  If someone overheard us they’d think we had two dogs instead of one dog with two personalities!